SENT TO : THE OFFICE OF GOV. ARNOLD SCWARZENEGGER
Dear Governor Schwarzenegger,
First allow me to say how much I enjoyed visiting your native country when I had the chance to go there last summer. I saw tons of Kangaroos and threw a boomerang. I brought a didgery-do back for my brother Dennis, and he is currently taking lessons to learn how to play it. My only complaint was that I did not see a single Outback steakhouse in the country. I expected there to be one on every corner and could not find an Onion Blossom anywhere. Please do your best to rectify this situation as I am hoping to visit Austria again in the near future.
I am writing you today in order to express my concern over the prospect of gay marriage coming to our fine state. I am not gay myself, but I have no problem with gay people. I have seen the musical RENT and have several songs by The Village People on my IPOD. However, I do not believe that straight individuals such as myself should be forced to enter into a gay marriage if we don’t want to.
I understand that California is a very progressive place and we Californians pride ourselves on being open minded and tolerant, however I believe that forcing gay marriage on straight people is taking things a bit to far. I want the gays to be happy and dance and sing like the gays in the movies, but I simply don’t feel that the government should force me to marry a gay guy regardless of how handsome he is or how sculpted his abs are.
I am a good, law-abiding citizen and will therefore obey the law if gay marriage passes in our state and betroth myself to a man. But you can’t force me to like it!
In the event that gay marriage becomes law, I have a few questions regarding the gay marriage process.
First, when I marry my gay, who pays for the wedding?
Does one of us have to wear a dress?
If we all have to marry gays, how will the state remain populated?
What do I feed my gay?
If my gay marriage isn’t working out and I get a gay divorce do I have to marry another gay within certain period of time?
How should I break the news to my wife?
I’m sure these are dumb questions but I would very much like to know how this is all going to go down. Once again I urge you to oppose gay marriage. I know how much you love your wife and I would be very upset if you had to break up with her because the state was making you marry a gay. I would be on the first flight home Down-Under if I were you. That wouldn’t be so bad though becasue AUSTRIA RULES!!!!
Again, thank you for your time. Please keep me posted on your position regarding this issue. Sincerely, Albert Francis.
P.S. –You were terrific in the Mad Max movies.
